:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/65795002/1181467343.jpg.0.jpg)
GAME INFO:
Game time: 9:30pm CT
Weather at tip-off: 47° degrees fahrenheit, 45% chance of rain, 12mph southern winds
TV: FS1 or the Fox Sports App
Radio: 1620am / 1620 the Zone App feat the voice of Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon Bishop.
OPPONENT INFO:
San Diego State has always been pretty good. They were pretty good when I was a young boy and they’re still pretty good as a sad person in their late 20’s. As far as their recent track record of success is concerned, they last made the NCAA Tournament in 2017-18 after reeling off nine consecutive wins en route to a Mountain West title and an 11 seed in the dance, falling to Houston in the first round.
A 21-13 season followed with the Aztecs losing in a heart-racing, drama-filled Mountain West finale against Utah State, keeping SDSU out of the tournament, ending the college careers of Devin Watson and Jeremy Hemsley.
The last time San Diego State and Creighton stood across from one another and listened to the national anthem was in Doug McDermott’s senior season with the Jays. It was another early season tournament, the Wooden Legacy tournament, and the 5-1 Bluejays squared off against the 4-1 Aztecs. The Jays bolted out to a 22-19 lead and then proceeded to suck on the offensive side and watched as one of the best SDSU teams in the last decade blasted past them, with Xavier Thames leading the way. The Jays made a bit of a comeback, but McDermott’s 30 points weren’t enough, as they lost 86-80.
The interesting thing about that season is how the rest of it shook out for both teams. SDSU went on to finish their season with a 31-5 record, advancing to the Sweet 16, eventually losing to Arizona. Creighton finished 27-8, losing to Bryce Cotton in the BIG EAST championship, and losing in the second round to the psuedo 4-out, 1-in zone against Baylor (thanks to Matt DeMarinis and Jon Nyatawa for reminding me of the intricacies of that zone in their last postgame podcast).
Both teams have had spoonfuls of success since, but this is a tweener year for SDSU as much as it is for Creighton. Since Steve Fisher’s departure after the 2016-17 season, Brian Dutcher has steered this storied program in the past two season, making the aforementioned tournament appearance in his first year, and falling flat last season.
The Aztecs feature a player that Creighton’s seen before in Malachi Flynn, the point guard for the Washington State team that the Jays obliterated in the Cayman Island Classic in 2016-17. He scored just 8 points against Khyri Thomas which is probably the most unsurprising thing I’ve written in this article. Khyri Thomas is in the NBA now and Flynn has developed into an excellent scoring point guard.
The Aztecs also have names on their team that appear in bold lettering on KenPom (that means they’re starters) that go by: Yanni Wetzell (holy fucking shit), Matt Mitchell (wow), KJ Feagin (you can call him KJ), and Jordan Schakel (hopefully he’s a good defender).
Also featured on this Aztec team is former Omaha South superstar Aguek Arop, a 6’6 220lb small forward that gets about 10-15 minutes per game off the bench. He’s long and plays excellent defense, which seems to be the calling card for Omaha native basketball players.
This is a classic slash-and-drive San Diego State team. They don’t shoot a lot of threes, but they’ll absolutely get it to the rim and try to draw as many fouls as possible, slowing the game down to their liking, and forcing their opposition into turning the ball over often. They’re a lot of fun to watch and there’s a good chance that there will be a rather healthy contingent of Aztec fans hootin’ and hollerin’ from the stands.
Verba de Ludorum
The mayor of the Moon was in the news again today. She’s been in the news before for so many different things, but it was last month’s scandal that was especially horrifying. Her most recent accusation involves a mining company in which she negotiated selling natural moon resources for her personal profit. The moon has been in turmoil since the latest breaking news coming via FAUX TV. This was not good news for the Mayor after coming off of last week’s bizarre story that was uncovered about her being transgender. Public perception overwhelmingly interpreted these increasingly unbelievable headlines as a ploy to distance the mayor from the awful thing most people associated her with — “Ballgate.”
When the mayor was reached for comment today, she simply stated, “oh no it’s a-happening again,” and began to sob before being jettisoned into the earth’s orbit where she eventually exploded into a million pieces, leaving the moon mayorless for the time being. Unfortunately, many of the moons delegates and committee members were unavailable for comment on the Mayor’s demise or frankly governing as they were on an excursion to Mars. Upon the return of the delegates, to their surprise, the Moon was now under the power of the Mayors daughter EyeVanka. Markets are breaking records daily but the population is out of burgers because the new Mayor gives all the cheeseburgers to her father. “I resent accusations of nepotism, of favoritism, as motivation behind the strategic military decision to satiate the cheeseburger black hole that is my father,” wrote the incumbent mayor in a telegram, “What do you know of black holes? I have read the Moon constitution.”
Nobody liked that.
Over the next weeks, the Moon-People became increasingly restless, due to the scarcity of cheeseburgers, but still the cheeseburgers continued to flow into the black hole. By the time that the lack of cheeseburgers reached a critical mass, the Mayor’s father had become as large as the moon - reaching a critical mass of his own - and soon began orbiting the earth. Like his daughter, he exploded as the Moon people watched in horror on the renowned telescope tv knowing their precious cheeseburgers went with him. Moon was not sad at all that the Mayors father died from a massive fart and cheeseburger gasses blocked the sun for days. With Moon people angry they started looking for someone to be the leader of Moon. By popular demand it turns out to be Bill Mars of the popular show on MBO. Unbeknownst to Moonkind, the being known as Bill Mars was, in reality, not at all sapient and, at the atomic level, mostly composed of mayonnaise.
There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.
Over the next weeks, Bill Mars, the new mayor of the Moon, began to implement his nefarious, egg & vinegar based, plans for the Moon, aided with legal backing from MBO. With all the death and turmoil that the Moon-People faced in the past few weeks, it wasn’t surprising to find them apathetic towards their new overlord, knowing that their fate was likely limited, their moods soured by the devilish eggs, praying that a savior would come and rescue them from this apocalyptic hellscape. They began with moovin’ and groovin’, a popular dance craze, to elicit an entity for their salvation.
Bill Mars brought a breath of fresh aire to the whole planet. Bill said his hands are small his crowds are very very small compared to EyeVanka’s phat father and he has no ego. The planet of Moon had a year long party where food was now available for all. People from EyeVanka’s father’s southern Wall Division supplied free Chalupas for everyone for the whole year.
Unfortunately, the Chalupas were laced with strychnine.
Fortunately, strychnine had no more effect than Himalayan pink salt on this crowd. However, the free food being so uncommon, a major economic crisis was triggered. Now is the time for reevaluation, cried the masses. Political adjitators within the moon’s populace planted the seeds for revolution - and the new government and society that was to emerge from the turmoil would be unlike anything this moon-world had ever seen.
The visionary-activist-agitators — while imagining a new future for Moon — decided to seek inspiration in American history, in which, as is well-known, religion has been a big-league political force. They wanted to inspire the Moon masses. They looked to the chosen one, covfefe. A terrifyingly great aura of despair and unease rippled through the Lunar collective consciousness when, against all expectations, the chosen one looked back.
The brow of god furrowed. Something happened that nobody had expected. But we don’t really need to talk about that, since you probably already got a relevant Snapchat. You’re not on Snapchat? Come on, man. We live in a society. On the moon? Maybe.
Maybe not.
Okay, so no Snapchat then? Well then, let me tell you that when the Moon-people looked upon the face of covfefe, they recognized something familiar behind that furrowed brow. It was the original Moon mayor from earlier in the story (you know, the one that blew up) whose matter had recombobulated into a similar but very different physical specimen that had small eyes but an enormous heart.
So what I learned from the planet Moon is they think Earth had it going on until 3 years ago.
The Cheese Burglar from Mac Donald's was the problem from the start!?!?
...and then I woke up.
Fin.