WELCOME TO THIS SPORTS AWARDS PAGE

After another incredible season on the dirt, grass, and sometimes artificial turf, we here at BIG EAST COAST BIAS (editor’s note: by ‘we’ we mean the writer of this article and no one else on staff) are here to offer you post season awards for the baseball season!

Our dads and moms at the BIG EAST already released their post season awards for things like:

Player of the Year

Pitcher of the Year

Freshman of the Year

All-BIG EAST First Team

All-BIG EAST Second Team

Coaching Staff of the Year

If you want to lay your eyeballs upon those instead of these, here’s a link that you can click to view all of their professionally picked players and coaches.

If you want to read nonsense, please continue scrolling and reading.

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BIG EAST COAST BIAS KEITH OF THE YEAR AWARD

This was one of the hardest categories in the past because there’s been multiple Keiths in the conference, but this year it was really easy because there’s only one Keith.

Congratulations Keith Rogalla of the Creighton Bluejays! You’re the BIG EAST COAST BIAS KEITH OF THE YEAR!

Here’s some stats and facts about Keith:

• 9 wild pitches in 2017
• Throws real hard
• 64 strikeouts
• 1 complete game
• named Keith
• From Illinois
• Recorded 10 strikeouts against Utah Valley
• Hit the first batter of the game against Michigan
• named Keith

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BIG EAST COAST BIAS BEST OLD GUY COACH OF THE YEAR AWARD

Again, a tough choice.

Typically, this slot has been reserved for Dave Schrage, who is over 50 years old and also a coach for the Butler Bulldogs, but in order to keep up with these fast paced millennials and the way they consume media, I’m going to award this to Georgetown’s volunteer assistant coach Sean Connole.

Coach Connole graduated from college in 2015, but nowhere in his biography on the Georgetown website informs curious information seekers to his birth date, so I’m just going to assume that he’s nearing his mid-90’s and requires an iron lung to do his coaching duties. Like the commercial for ITT Tech always says, “You’re never too old to go to a fake college as long as you have some money or collateral!”

Coach Connole also coached for the Torrington Titans of the Futures Collegiate Baseball League, which means that he can transcend time and space to coach teams in the future. This adds to his overall age as he’s been able to utilize a time machine to see Babe Ruth eat a hot dog and see Aaron Judge hit a dinger in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. A true Renaissance man - because he’s been to the renaissance! ha ha ha ha ha

The reach of Coach Connole’s coaching abilities is far and wide. To think he’s just a few decades away from being the oldest man in the world is frightening but joyous, the players he’s taught America’s greatest game nearing the millions, and his diary of cool baseball things he’s seen nearing the requirement of a couple more yellow legal pads.

Congrats, Coach Sean Connole, for winning this prestigious award!

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BIG EAST COAST BIAS BEST TEAM EVER, EVEN BETTER THAN THE 1952 YANKEES, BETTER THAN THE 1975 CINCINNATI REDS, BETTER THAN THE 1995 ATLANTA BRAVES, BETTER THAN THE 2003 FLORIDA MARLINS WITH A BABYFACED MIGUEL CABRERA, BETTER THAN 2008 PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES, BETTER THAN THE 2016 CHICAGO CUBS, AWARD

The Xavier Musketeers.

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BIG EAST COAST BIAS RIGHT FIELDER FOR VILLANOVA AWARD

While talking this over with the rest of the panel (editor’s note: the panel was an empty beer bottle, a framed picture of a stuffed dog, two overripe bananas, and a broken chip clip) it was ultimately decided that Donovan May would be the recipient of this award.

There’s something truly special about Donovan May. Not only does his name appear as “May, Do” in statbroadcast, but he also has the unique talent of making routine flyballs into a choose-your-own-adventure novella.

There’s a special place in our hearts for Donovan May and we’re sad to see him graduate. For the past few years he’s been bringing smiles to our faces as he haphazardly patrols the corner pasture in the shadow of the foul pole, dipping and diving for liners while losing warning track fly balls in the sun.

Without Donovan May, life doesn’t make sense. It isn’t as pleasurable.

Thank you Donovan May. Congrats on winning the award!

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BIG EAST COAST BIAS TOP READER AWARD

This award is given to the player that’s read the most books in the past two semesters. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to reach out to any of the players, coaches, professors, or SIDs, so instead I just picked a player at random and decided that they read a lot of books.

Congratulations Connor Dall from Butler University! You read the most books this year. According to anonymous reports, you read:

• The Great Gatsby
• James and the Giant Peach
• War and Peace
• The Hardy Boys: The Flickering Torch Mystery
• Curious George goes to a Burlesque House
• The Metaphysics
• Gravity’s Rainbow
• Slapstick
• Moby Dick
• Red Fish, Blue Fish, One Fish, Two Fish
• The DaVinci Code

Although Connor patrols the hot corner, it isn’t too surprising to find a hot piece of fiction - sometimes non fiction - spread widely in the palms of his hands. Way to read, Connor! You’re an inspiration to kids.

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BIG EAST COAST BIAS RYLAN BANNON PLAYER OF THE YEAR AWARD

Originally this post stated that Rylan Bannon, the soft handed all-fields hitter from Xavier, was going to win the titular Player of the Year award, but after realizing that Mikael-Ali MOGUES was going to pulverize the moon if I didn’t give him the award I decided to give him the award. Knowing that the ocean tides were to be disturbed in a potentially apocalyptic way without the moon, I couldn’t, in all good conscience, give the award to Rylan Bannon, even though I named the award after him, and because he’s clearly the best player in the conference. I know it seems a bit foolish and maybe a bit of a cop out, but have you seen how far MOGUES can hit a baseball? Have you seen how hard he can hit it? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen ice and dust particles orbiting his biceps. Sure, call me a coward, I don’t rightly care, I’m just trying to save the planet. Oh, you think you’re so cool and so big by criticizing me for saving the world? Get a life. Get real. Get help.

Congrats, Mogley Bear, on your BECB Rylan Bannon Player of the Year Award!