USC Upstate got a lead with less than a minute melted off the clock, sinking a three pointer from the top of the key.
At that point I began to perspire, thinking that maybe we’d be seeing the greatest upset in basketball history. My mind began to fill with worry, the thought of witnessing one of the most atrocious teams in this season of college basketball beating the team I follow so closely was a ticket straight to the grave.
Then, Martin Krampelj dunked the basketball, Khyri Thomas hit a three, and Marcus Foster hit a jumper. The game was over at that point, the Spartans completely overmatched and tossing up threes from anywhere just to prove they have a pulse.
Creighton led 24-8 at one point, and then Foster got going again, so the deficit grew. Right now, it’s 39-15 with 7:52 remaining in the half. Santa is on the court just walking around and waving to the crowd. A man in a mesh hat just missed a lot of basketball shots.
Now Santa has a gun.
This one’s over.