Creighton Beats A Team That Tried 87-36

I started writing this with 12:08 remaining in the first half. So far it’s 17-9, which statistically seems close, but the Hawks scored their first points on a free throw about two game minutes ago. The crowd is actually relatively impressive for the cupcake that showed up tonight.

Billy Bluejay was just working his way through the crowd, hurdling slowly over rows of seats, much to the dismay of fans. It seems that this was his attempt at getting exercise, which is important.

UMES just turned the ball over. Tyshon Alexander made a three at the other end. The late arriving crowd cheered tepidly, like they’d seen that before.

Another miss for UMES. A terrible shot that hardly hit rim. I’m going to let my mind wander for a bit, knowing that this game is already in hand even after Ronnie Harrell missed a three.

There’s a guy in the crowd wearing a bright teal hat. I wonder why he chose to wear this hat? On second thought, it might be more of a mint green. Does he want to be noticed? Is it a cry for attention?

Airball, UMES.

It’s 20-9. Now 22-9, Marcus Foster putting in a bucket on a fastbreak while getting fouled. And-one.

There’s a woman in the crowd in a horizontally striped yellow, black, and white sweater. She kind of looks like a bumble bee. She sticks out among the pool of blue. Another fashion choice that seemed to backfire. I wonder if she ever thought she’d be mentioned in a game recap when she chose to wear that. Maybe that was her intent? A good journalist would find out.

The arena smells of cooked hotdogs, with a hint of roasted and salted peanuts wafting through the air, the particles jamming themselves into my sinuses.

Great, a timeout. A man likely in his late 30’s or early 40’s needs to make a free throw, three pointer, and half court shot. He made the free throw. Nailed the three in one attempt. Misses the first half court shot. Misses the second. He dillydallyed too much and missed a third opportunity. He got a free t-shirt at least.

The actual game is back. UMES had a 2-on-1 fast break and bricked a floater off the glass. The assistant coaches are livid. They’re yelling and shaking their heads, negativity radiating off of them. It’s no wonder they’re so bad.

There’s a trio of fans wearing Santa hats in the lower bowl of the stands. They’re taking pictures of each other. Selfies and ugly sweaters - an American tradition.

UMES hasn’t scored in over 3 minutes. It’s 27-12, the Jays just ended a scoring drought of their own. Martin Krampelj dunked. There’s 5:30 left in the first half.

There are two women sitting at the end of UMES’s bench. They might be athletic trainers, I’m not sure, but one of them has been resting her chin on hand for about 10 minutes.

Mitchell Ballock just dived on a loose ball. Or is it dove? I can never remember. One of those things. Khyri eventually got the ball and scored on a contested layup. He has 8 points now.

Another timeout. Now people are waving their credit cards in attempt to get on the JumboTron and win some money. I wonder if identity thieves come to these games and try to write down the numbers real fast while people are waving them. I mean, you’d have to be some sort of savant to read those numbers that quick, but there’s probably some of them out there, right? A toddler just won the credit card thing. He got $100. Why did First National Bank give him a credit card? How is he going to pay off that debt? There are child labor laws, folks. He can’t pay that off. There are ethical violations on display here at the CenturyLink Center. Call the fucking feds, please.

It’s 38-17. Or, if you’re reading the score on StatBroadcast, it’s 17-38. Isn’t there a Fetty Wap (wop?) song about 1738? Or whatever. Isn’t it a courvoisier? Am I even spelling that right?

Mitchell Ballock just hit a three. Another lukewarm response from the fans. They’re entertained, I guess, but they’re really here for the popcorn.

UMES just called a timeout with 36 seconds left to set up a play for a guy who had a wide open trey in the corner and he airballed it with 1 second left on the shot clock. A shot clock violation followed.

45-17. Halftime. Time to reflect.

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Reflection time is over. UMES starts things off by clanging a three. Then, on the other end, Khyri Thomas airballed a three, only for it to fall in the hands of Toby Hegner. The fan behind me said, “Great pass.” That’s a good fan right there. I enjoy his humor. TOBY! made the wide open layup.

Coach McDermott has been slowly pacing the sidelines. He just flashed a grin. He’s seems to be in a good mood. He’s laughing now. He just tabbed Manny Suarez to come into the game for TOBY!. This is the first reserve to show himself on the bench. He’s playing alongside Krampelj. The Spanevian Trees? The Slovanish Oaks? I don’t know. This is a rare enough instance where they’re both in together to give them a nickname. I shot the question over to twitter.

Marcus Foster just dunked. UMES hasn’t scored yet in the second half. There’s 16:56 remaining. I bet they’re going to score after I type this.

Nope.

Foster to Khyri for a dunk. 54-17.

UMES just made a floater. Their drought is over.

Media timeout. What’s the marketing team going to do? The Blue Crew is now throwing t-shirts. It appears we do not have a sponsored event at this juncture.

Manny Suarez now has 6 points. He just hit a three. Meanwhile, UMES is shooting 23% from the field. They just turned it over again. That’s their 13th. They’ve scored 5 points in the first 8 minutes of the second half.

Kaleb Joseph, who’s been injured for a while, just scored. The lineup: Mitch Ballock, Tyshon Alexander, Kaleb Joseph, Ronnie Harrell Jr., Manny Suarez. All they need is Jordan Scurry. I hope we see him soon.

Another timeout. It’s 70-27. Cale Ferrin just implied that Jordan Scurry was a bad shooter and a bad person in his ‘Meet the Bluejays’ segment, all because Scurry wanted to be a Stormtrooper. It’s an interesting parallel, considering Stormtroopers are manufactured clones. Maybe Scurry just wants to be the one that breaks that mold, like Finn in the latest movies.

Or maybe he just wants to fit in. He’d really fit in well with this lineup right now. Coach Mac is talking to him on the bench. Maybe he’s coming in soon. He hasn’t taken off his warm-up yet though. Maybe just giving him a heads up.

Manny Suarez just missed a dunk. The crowd seems disappointed. I know I am.

The fan behind me just told someone to put a bucket on his head.

Oh my God here comes Scurry. His warm-up is off. He’s stretching out on sidelines. Ronnie Harrell just put in a sweet finger roll, forcing McDermott to call a timeout to admire it.

The marketing department has now set up the tic-tac-toe. Scott won. He got three O’s across the middle. His opponent had an opportunity to block him but he didn’t, just conceded defeat. Bummer.

Jordan Scurry is in. He’s playing tight defense on his man. He’s going down on the fastbreak, but passed off an opportunity to shoot a three in the corner. I’m pissed. Mac is pissed. Why didn’t he shoot it? What’s wrong with Jordan?

Another fastbreak opportunity. Jays set up in the half court. Jordan has touched it three times, didn’t shoot it though. He has another opportunity with 5 seconds left on the shot clock. Instead, Kaleb Joseph tosses up a desperation heave.

Bummer.

I’ve seen people yawning in the stands. I have to do the post game show on 1620 after this. I can’t wait to talk about this game. It’s my favorite game.

Jordan Scurry still hasn’t shot a three. At this point I’m thinking about cashing in my laptop and going off the grid for a while. I can’t believe it. If he doesn’t shoot in the next 45 seconds I think I’m going to blow a gasket.

The fans are leaving. I’d leave too if I were them. If I paid hundreds of dollars for tickets and didn’t see Jordan Scurry chucking up at least one three in a 47 point game I’d likely never come back and burn the rest of my tickets.

Okay, new possession. Tyshon Alexander took the contested three and made it instead of Jordan. This night is going to go downhill fast for me. I was already on the ed- OH MY GOD THERE IT IS! JORDAN SCURRY JUST CASHED A THREE! HE DID IT! HE SHOT ANOTHER ONE! OH MY GOD YES THANK YOU LORD!

This recap is now complete.

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Stats!!!

CREIGHTON

UMES