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Congratulations on clicking on this sports related article! In today’s word document we’ll be discussing the non-conference schedule for a men’s basketball team, a team whose roster is filled with students from Creighton University. This fun and exciting exercise will open your mind to new ideas, fresh facts, maybe a swear word or two, and a little bit of information you can share with friends, family, co-workers, enemies, priests, mechanics, basketball coaches, dog walkers, candle makers, union members, bankers, telemarketers, murderers, cobras, action figures, small insects, dogs, teachers, basketball players, children, big insects, your in-laws, neighbors, convicted arsonists, babies, fat people, slim people, smelly people, clean people, the comatose, bus drivers, imaginary friends, meth addicts, simple minded folk, professors, grandma, ivory poachers, republicans, democrats, bros who vape, bros who don’t vape, your significant other, and mannequins.
There are some real gems in this schedule, some real Jones Bros Cupcakes (please sponsor me), and the now infamous game against a D-II school in the middle of the conference slate. The hugely popular “Coffee Mug Score” also makes its return, so get your favorite mug, your bean grinder, and your $10 Mr. Coffee coffee maker prepared!
We’ll start in chronological order and work our way through the madness. For your viewing pleasure I’m going to insert some music for you to listen to as you browse. If you choose not to listen, continue on with the article without clicking ‘play.’ This is an autoplay free-zone, I can assure you of that.
*All game times designated for the Central Timezone. Dates & times are subject to change.
2017-18 CREIGHTON NON-CONFERENCE ANALYSIS
Thursday, October 26th, 2017
UNIVERSITY of NEBRASKA-OMAHA MAVERICKS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 7:00pm
1620 on your AM dial
*Exhibition - All net profits go to the American Red Cross
Conference
Summit League
2016-17 Record
18-14 overall, 9-7 in conference
Notable Notes
- Creighton and Omaha have met 43 times in their history, with the Jays holding a 40-3 advantage in the series. The two met last in a November 8th, 2009 exhibition with the Jays winning 93-77.
- The Mavericks feature 5 players from this great state of Nebraska, including Ayo Akinwole (Papio), Alex Allbery (Omaha, brother Jason Allbery hangs dong for Creighton’s baseball team), Brenden Lipovsky (Fairfield, 50 miles south of Grand Island), Hayden Miller (Nebraska City), and Mitch Hahn (Fremont).
- Former Secretary of State Chuck Hagel, artist Ree Kaneko, Bright Eyes frontman Conor Oberst, and Grammy winning Jazz vocalist Karrin Allyson attended UNO.
- BECB editor and author of this article, Alex Sindelar, attended the school for two years.
- Tra-Deon Hollins and Marcus Tyus have graduated, Tre’Shawn Thurman transferred to Nevada, leaving Omaha’s cupboard bare for the upcoming season. 6’8 forward Mitch Hahn (11.7PPG) and 6’5 guard Zach Jackson (10.8PPG) are the saving graces for the Mavs.
- The game was set up to help those in areas affected by the numerous Hurricanes over the past couple months, with 100% of the net profits going towards the American Red Cross.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕☕☕
Friday, November 3rd, 2017
UNIVERSITY of NORTH CAROLINA - PEMBROKE BRAVES
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 7:00pm
1620 on your AM dial
*Exhibition
Conference
Division II / Peach Belt Conference
2016-17 Record
24-8 overall - 14-5 conference
Notable Notes:
- This will be the first meeting between the two schools
- UNC-Pembroke welcomes back their top two scoring threats in Brandon Watts (6’4 190lb G) and Nigel Grant (6’7, 245lb F)
- UNC-Pembroke plays not made up schools named Young Harris, Flagler, Clayton State, and Mount Olive in the upcoming season.
- Alumnus Pardon Ndhlovu, a Zimbabwean marathon runner, finished 41st in the marathon competition in the 2016 Olympic Games.
- The Braves lost to North Carolina 124-63 last season.
- UNC-Pembroke made the DII postseason tournament after winning the Peach Belt Conference Tournament. They lost to Limestone 100-85 in the first round.
Coffee Mug Score: 1⁄2 ☕
Friday, November 10th, 2017
***HALL OF FAME CLASSIC***
YALE UNIVERSITY BULLDOGS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 8:00pm
FSN / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Ivy League
2016-17 Record
18-11 overall, 9-5 in conference
Notable Notes:
- This will be the first meeting between the two schools
- Yale returns their top two scoring threats in Alex Copeland (6’3 175lb G - 12.9 PPG) and Miye Oni (6’7 205lb F - 12.9PPG)
- Yale scored 38 points in a loss against Virginia last season
- According to KenPom, the Yalies averaged 18.3 seconds per offensive possession, the 276th slowest in the country. They also averaged 17 seconds per defensive possession, which is on average with the rest of D-1 basketball.
- Yale’s endowment is 25.4 billion dollars, the second largest endowment in the United States, just behind Harvard (34 billion)
- Mr. Burns is the most famous Yale alumni.
- The school was named after Elihu Yale, an asshole who made lots of money trading slaves and killing Indians as the president of the East India Company. He got the naming rights after sending some Harvard nerd a bunch of books, a painted portrait of King George I, and nine bales of garbage, which was subsequently sold for £800 (roughly £163k 2017)
- Head Coach James Jones, who has spent 19 seasons coaching the Bulldogs, is the brother of Joe Jones, the current head coach of the Boston University Terriers and subsequently the former coach of Maurice Watson Jr.
- Yale wormed their way into college basketball lore after upsetting Baylor in the 2016 NCAA Tournament.
- Point guard Makai Mason, who was a primary component of the Bulldog’s success in 2016 - including his 31 points in that upset of Baylor - sat out the entire 16-17 season after an injury in a preseason scrimmage... and is now set to transfer to Baylor as a grad transfer.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕1⁄2
Sunday, November 12th, 2017
***HALL OF FAME CLASSIC***
ALCORN STATE UNIVERSITY BRAVES
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 6:00pm
FS1 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Southwestern Athletic Conference
2016-17 Record
18-14 overall, 13-5 in conference
Notable Notes:
- The Jays have played Alcorn State twice and are 2-0 in the series. The two met last on November 8th, 2013 in a game Creighton won 107-61.
- The Braves return AJ Mosby, a 6’3 guard who started all 32 games last season.
- Mosby averaged 10.4 PPG & 2.7 assists per game
- Alcorn State was the first black land grant college to open after the Civil War
- Steve McNair was an alum of Alcorn State *(previous edition indicated he was still alive.)
- The Braves have been to the big dance six times with their most recent appearance occurring in 2002.
- Alex Haley, the author of Roots, is an alum
- Alcorn State ranked 300th in offensive turnover percentage last season.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕
Wednesday, November 15th, 2017
***GAVITT GAMES***
NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY WILDCATS
AllState Arena - Rosemont, IL - 8:00pm
BTN / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Big Ten
2016-17 Record
24-12 overall, 10-8 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Northwestern and Creighton have met 5 times in their history, with Northwestern holding a 3-2 lead in the series, with the last meeting occurring on December 22nd, 2011, a game Creighton won 87-79. (Doug McDermott had 27 points on 10-14 shooting)
- Northwestern owned on of the stingiest defenses in the country last season, allowing 70+ points in only 4 games while forcing teams deep into the shot clock with an average defensive possession lasting 18.3 seconds.
- Northwestern is home to one of the most prestigious journalism schools in America, gifting us the likes of: J.A. Adande (ESPN, LA Times), Kim Adams (BIG EAST Digital), Ira Glass (This American Life (attended NU but graduated at Brown University)), Mike Greenberg (ESPN), Craig Sager (CNN, TBS, TNT), Michael Wilbon (ESPN, Washington Post), Kevin Blackistone (ESPN, Dallas Morning News), and Christine Brennan (USA Today).
- Northwestern returns all five of its top five scorers from last season, accounting for 56 PPG.
- Northwestern will play at the AllState Arena in Rosemont this season, DePaul’s former home, due to $110mil renovations at Welsh-Ryan Arena.
- Northwestern became the second to last ‘Power 5’ school to win a NCAA tournament game last season. The only one that remains is - wait for it - Nebraskahahaha
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕
Monday, November 20th, 2017
***HALL OF FAME CLASSIC***
UNIVERSITY of CALIFORNIA - LOS ANGELES BRUINS
Sprint Center - Kansas City, MO - 6:00pm
ESPNU / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
PAC-12
2016-17 Record
31-5 overall, 15-3 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Creighton and UCLA have met three times in their history, with Creighton holding a 2-1 edge in the series. The last time the two played was on December 21st, 1963, a game that Creighton lost 95-79.
- UCLA returns one of their top five scorers from last season in former backup PG Aaron Holiday, who averaged 12.3PPG.
- Alexander Payne, an Omaha native and Creighton Prep alum, is an UCLA alumni.
- Mariska Hargitay, aka Detective Benson from Law & Order: SVU is an UCLA alumni.
- Steve Alford coached at former Mo Valley foe Missouri State for four years.
- Lonzo Ball’s baby brother LiAngelo Ball is on the roster and will likely start considering he averaged 33.8 points per game in his senior year of high school.
- No one really knows whether or not Big Baller Brand, the athletic apparel company started by the Ball brother’s father LaVar, is some sort of marketing scheme that’s for sale for 3 billion dollars.
- Jackie Robinson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Reggie Miller are all UCLA alumni that happen to appear the most as an answer to the question: “Which famous person, living or dead, would you like to have a conversation with?”
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕☕☕
Tuesday, November 21st, 2017
***HALL OF FAME CLASSIC***
BAYLOR UNIVERSITY BEARS or UNIVERSITY of WISCONSIN BADGERS
Sprint Center - Kansas City, MO - TBD
ESPN3 or ESPN2 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Big-12 / Big 10
2016-17 Record
Baylor: 27-8 overall, 12-6 in conference
Wisconsin: 27-10 overall, 12-6 in conference
Notable Notes:
Baylor
- Baylor and Creighton have played four times, with the Bluejays holding a 3-1 advantage in the series. The last such meeting will not be talked about in this article.
- The Bears have one freshman on their squad, yet return a point guard with a +2 AST/TO differential and #2 scorer in 5’11 Manu Lecomte (12.2PPG).
- The Bears feature a Melbourne connection in 7’ center Jo Lual-Acuil Jr, who averaged 9.1PPG and grabbed 6.7 rebounds per game.
- Baylor’s athletic department resembles a dumpster fire, particularly with the football program, where faculty members discouraged women from reporting sexual assaults while the athletic department turned a blind eye to confronting sexual assault with their players.
- Baylor lost in the Sweet 16 to NCAA darling South Carolina last year 70-50.
- Jeff Dunham, that guy who plays with puppets, attended Baylor, further diminishing its reputation.
- On the flip side, Willie Nelson, Mike Singletary, and Silence of the Lambs author Thomas Harris attended Baylor, repairing its reputation only slightly.
- Baylor nabbed nearly 40% of offensive rebounds per possession last season, good for 3rd best in the country, a stat that would shake Bluejay fans to their core.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕
Wisconsin
- Creighton and Wisconsin have played three times in their history, twice in the modern era, with the Jays leading the series 2-1. Their last meeting occurred last season with the Jays winning 79-67.
- Wisconsin lost a lot of production from last year’s team, losing Bronson Koenig, Zak Showalter and Nigel Hayes, but retain the talents of 6’11 rebound machine Ethan Happ (14PPG).
- Tim Keck and Christopher Johnson, the founding fathers of the satirical site/publication The Onion, were UW grads.
- The Badgers have made 19 consecutive appearances in the NCAA Tournament.
- The Badgers play with a glacial pace, averaging almost 20 seconds per possession, while possessing a 52% eFG%.
- Rich Dahm (head writer of The Colbert Report), Anders Holm (Workaholics), Jim Lovell (astronaut for Apollo 13), and Michele Norris (NPR) are all UW alumni.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕ 1⁄2
More tunes, if you want ‘em:
Saturday, November 25th, 2017
SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY - EDWARDSVILLE COUGARS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 3:30pm
FS2 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Ohio Valley Conference
2016-17 Record
6-24 overall, 1-15 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Creighton and SIU-Edwardsville have never met in the past, though Coach McDermott played the Cougars while coaching at Iowa State, winning 91-55 on January 3rd, 2009.
- The Cougars return just one of their top three scorers from last year in 6’8 Jalen Henry (12.5PPG), who shot 46% from the field all of last season.
- SIU-Edwardsville was horrendous on offense and defense last season, ranking 342nd in 3pt FG%, allowing opponents to shoot 54% from inside the 3pt line.
- The Cougars lost 15 consecutive games last season... in conference play.
- Bill Plaschke (LA Times, Around the Horn), Dewayne Staats (Tampa Bay color commentator), and Paul Wight (AKA “The Big Show”) are all alums or former students of SIU-Edwardsville.
- SIU-Edwardsville has one of the most storied programs in college soccer, amassing a 546-286-82 record over 50 years.
- The Cougars will be part of the MAC next year in all sports.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕
Friday, December 1st, 2017
GONZAGA UNIVERSITY BULLDOGS
McCarthy Athletic Center - Spokane, WA - 9:15pm
ESPN2 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
West Coast Conference
2016-17 Record
37-2 overall, 17-1 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Holy shit they played in the national championship last season.
- Creighton and Gonzaga have played eight times, with Creighton holding a 6-2 advantage in the series. This will be the first time they’ve played since January 15th, 1977, where the Jays won 100-83.
- Rui Hachimura, a 6’8 225lb sophomore forward from Sendai, Japan, is just the fifth Japanese-born player to play in D1 basketball.
- Top-producers Nigel Williams-Goss, Przemek Karnowski, and Zach Collins have all departed the program, leaving the Bulldogs in a state of flux and in rebuild mode. They do return Jonathan Williams, a 6’9 forward who averaged 10.2PPG and 6.4 rebounds per game.
- Bing Crosby attended Gonzaga Law School in the early 1920’s but did not graduate.
- Gonzaga has reached the Sweet 16 eight times, the Elite Eight three times, and the Final Four once, which, surprisingly, happened last season!
- The McCarthy Athletic Center, more commonly known as ‘The Kennel,’ seats 6,000 folks and sits 1,900 feet above sea level. Rumor has it the students get real rowdy for basketball games as well, giving the Jays their first true road test of the season.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕☕☕
Tuesday, December 5th, 2017
NORTH DAKOTA UNIVERSITY FIGHTING HAWKS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 7:00pm
FS2 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Big Sky Conference
2016-17 Record
22-10 overall, 14-4 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Creighton and North Dakota have met 12 times in their history, with Creighton holding a 9-3 advantage in the long dormant series. The last time the two played was on December 1st, 1975 with the then Fighting Sioux winning 69-64.
- North Dakota lost two of their top scorers but return 6’4 guard Geno Crandall (15.5PPG) and 6’7 forward Conner Avants (9.5PPG)
- Former Creighton guard Marlon Stewart, who transferred to North Dakota two years ago, will likely play for the Fighting Hawks, a conclusion I came to by looking at their roster and seeing a guard named Billy Brown.
- It took 10 years for the university to change its mascot from the wildly derided name of “Fighting Sioux” to the “Fighting Hawks.” Noted Nazi sympathizer, asshole-who-collected-nazi-paraphernalia, and North Dakota alum Ralph Engelstad donated $100 million dollars to the university to build a hockey arena which is laden with “Fighting Sioux” logos and loosely required the university to keep the offensive nickname indefinitely. He thankfully died in 2002, a year after the arena was completed, which opened a door to change the nickname. It wasn’t until 2015 that the deed was done. Although he hosted parties in his Vegas casino celebrating Adolph Hitler’s birthday and was found printing bumper stickers that read, “Hitler Was Right,” in the hallows of his casino, the hockey arena still bears his name for some stupid reason.
- North Dakota had a potent offense last season, averaging 16 seconds per possession and holding an eFG% of 53.4%. Quinton Hooker, their leading scorer from last season who has since graduated, played in 90% of all the Fighting Hawks’ possessions, leaving a gaping hole in the offense.
- Journalist and pop culture aficionado Chuck Klosterman is an UND alum.
- North Dakota made three D-II Final Fours in their heyday, featuring 19 tournament berths. They jumped to D1 in 2008 and made their debut into the NCAA Tournament last season, as a 15 seed, with a 100-82 loss to Arizona in the first round.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕
Saturday, December 9th, 2017
UNIVERSITY of NEBRASKA-LINCOLN CORNHUSKERS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 11:00am OR 1:30pm
FS1 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Big 10
2016-17 Record
12-19 overall, 6-12 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Creighton and Nebraska have played 50 times and the series is tied 25-25. The Jays have won the last six (!!!) meetings and have painted the state a nice shade of blue.
- The Huskers return Glynn Watson and Jack McVeigh. They got Isaac Copeland from Georgetown. Other than that the roster resembles a barren cornfield in a post-apocalyptic world where the farmland was salted and charred.
- In September, the Huskers fired their athletic director Shawn Eichorst, then hired Bill Moos away from Wazzu in October. Tim Miles is still the coach of the Huskers as far as I know.
- If Creighton beats Nebraska and takes the overall series lead, I propose a parade from 24th & Farnam to 16th & Cuming, cutting right through campus. I believe the following Monday should be a mandatory holiday for all Omahans should this win take place. I believe the Mayor should create more bike lanes. Sorry for getting political.
- Nebraska started their conference slate 3-0 last season with wins over Indiana, Maryland, and Iowa. The Huskers proceeded to go 3-12 the rest of the season, losing to fucking Rutgers in the process.
- It’s easy to laugh at Nebrasketball.
- Creighton owns an average 15 point margin of victory over their last six meetings with the Huskers.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕☕
Friday, December 15th, 2017
UNIVERSITY of MARYLAND-EASTERN SHORE HAWKS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 7:00pm
FS1 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference
2016-17 Record
14-20 overall, 9-7 in conference
Notable Notes:
- This is the first meeting between UMES and Creighton, though Creighton forward Manny Suarez, while playing at Fordham, logged 5 minutes and missed his only field goal attempt against the Hawks.
- The Hawks return 4 of their 5 top scorers from last season. They lost their top scoring threat (Bakari Copeland - 17.4PPG) but return 6’2 G Ryan Andino (13PPG), 6’4 G Logan McIntosh (8.6PPG), and 6’5 G Dontae Caldwell (8.5PPG)
- Johnny Sample, a name usually reserved as a generic placeholder for a create-a-player or bad copywriting, was a UMES alum who played in the NFL, served as a line judge in professional tennis, hosted his own radio show, and wrote an autobiography.
- The UMES women’s bowling team has won three national titles (2008, 2011, 2012)
- The Hawks owned a pretty steady hand on offense last season, committing a turnover just 18% of the time per possession.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕
Monday, December 18th, 2017
UNIVERSITY of TEXAS-ARLINGTON MAVERICKS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 8:00pm
FS1 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Sun Belt Conference
2016-17 Record
27-9 overall, 14-4 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Creighton has played UT-Arlington twice, winning both times, with the last matchup occurring on November 17th, 2002 with the Jays winning 106-50.
- A NIT team last season, the Mavericks return two of their top three scorers in 6’9 forward Kevin Hervey - who finished with a better defensive rebounding percentage than Angel Delgado (Herver at 14th, Delgado at 15th) - and 5’10 point guard Erick Neal (finished 19th in assist rate, 18 spots lower than Maurice Watson Jr.).
- The Mavericks like to push the tempo, averaging 16 seconds per offensive possession, shooting 55% from inside the arc (good for 18th in the nation) while stymieing opposing team’s ability to shoot 3’s (allowed, on average, 32% from 3, good for 40th in the nation).
- UT-Arlington’s campus sits on 420 acres.
- Lou Diamond Phillips (Longmire), Charles Baker (Skinny Pete from Breaking Bad), and Trey Hillman (former manager of the Kansas City Royals) are all UT-Arlington alumni.
- The Mavericks walloped the St. Mary’s Gaels 65-51 on the road last season.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕☕☕
Wednesday, December 20th, 2017
UNIVERSITY of SOUTH CAROLINA UPSTATE SPARTANS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 8:00pm
FS1 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Atlantic Sun Conference
2016-17 Record
17-16 overall, 7-7 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Head Coach Eddie Payne, who’d been at USC Upstate for 15 years, stepped down in early October due to health concerns. Kyle Perry, an assistant of Payne’s for 8 years, will be the interim head coach.
- Creighton has never played USC Upstate, though Coach McDermott beat the Spartans while head coach of Iowa State, to the tune of 72-48.
- The Spartans return two of their top three scorers in 6’0 guard Mike Cunningham (13.4PPG) and 6’6 forward Malik Moore (10.9PPG)
- USC Upstate lost to last year’s Georgetown team 105-60
- The most famous alumni from USC Upstate is a serial killer named Todd Kohlhepp, who killed 7 people in South Carolina spanning over 13 years.
- Spartanburg, South Carolina’s city motto is, “Always Doing,” which opposing fans can amend to, “Always Losing,” if they want.
- USC Upstate has never made the D-1 NCAA tournament
- The Spartans also have a Slovenian player on their team named Jure Span, a 6’4 guard from Litjia, which is a 40 minute drive and 27km from Martin Krampelj’s hometown of Grosuplje.
Coffee Mug Score: ☕
Tuesday, February 13th, 2018
BEMIDJI STATE UNIVERSITY BEAVERS
CenturyLink Center - Omaha, NE - 7:00pm
FS2 / 1620 on your AM dial
Conference
Division II / Northern Sun Intercollegiate Conference
2016-17 Record
10-18 overall, 8-14 in conference
Notable Notes:
- Greg McDermott is 12-1 against Bemidji State (Creighton has never played them) during his tenure as Wayne State’s head basketball coach. The lone loss came on January 21st, 2000 by the score of 75-66.
- The Beavers return two of their top three scorers in 6’4 guard Jai’Vionne Green (16.2PPG) and 6’2 guard Sharif Black (12.7PPG).
- The Bemidji State football team has a tradition where, if they win their homecoming game, they’ll run from the field to a nearby lake and jump into it. The origins of this tradition has a beautifully bizarre backstory where an assistant coach, part of a winless program going into homecoming week, wrote a bullshit game recap that had the team winning the game and jumping into the lake. It took two years for the beavs to win that homecoming game, in 1995, but the players reciprocated the fan fiction fantasy and jumped into the lake anyways.
- This game is happening for the same reason as the Truman State game last season, where the Jays have a longer layoff in between conference games, creating a perceived advantage for them (Xavier on the 10th, Marquette on the 17th).
- The city of Bemidji used to have a statue of a beaver with a colorful vagina painted on it.
Coffee Mug Score: 1⁄2☕
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